review, Glutino Toaster Pastry & Glutino Rosemary Olive Oil

Glutino Apple Cinnamon Toaster PastryI seem to recall down-voting another Glutino product … they are HIT AND MISS, let me tell ya. In other words, they make some things I love. Love too much. -that means you rosemary olive oil crisps*

As with everything, taste is subjective, but these ‘toaster pastries’ are horrible.

It’s a TRAVESTY I say. TRAVESTY!

I saw it advertised (in a sidebar of a webpage) and reminded me that I have the remainder of a box sitting in a pantry, waiting for when I’m desperate enough to try to doctor it up with oil and maple syrup (fat and sugar).

Let’s do a recap on gluten-free faux foods: They aren’t health foods. They are UNhealthy. If it’s processed and comes in a package, it ain’t food, let alone health food!

Food spoils in a day or three and its ingredients include only itself, ie: tomato includes tomato, calves liver includes liver, etc.

I don't know any of her songs but I love that she causes so much trouble!
I don’t know any of her songs but I love that she causes so much trouble! Did you catch that? Pop Tart?

Let’s begin: 5 to a box. Regular price 8USD but I got mine for 5USD (therefore 1/ea) fully-knowing that it wasn’t gonna be a Pop Tart.

I toasted it in a toaster oven, which in my old lady experience is the best to reheat anything — or make toast. I gave it its best chance.

The pastry is hard and crumbly but not in the crumble-crumbly happy Pop Tart or … Crumble way. Obviously, there’s no ‘dough’ taste. It’s sort of a pocket of wood that’s holding the goo inside.

The goo inside? How can you go wrong with cinnamon? That’s the only part that’s okay. The apple part? I’m not really sure how to describe it but it’s a bit like a very small amount of applesauce with cinnamon. This isn’t bad but encased in a deteriorating container of faux pastry detracts.

Summary: save your money. You can make something rather delicious with coconut oil and almond meal and a bit of honey. Although it may not look like a toaster pastry, these don’t either. The product is not accurately depicted on the box.

Get thee behind me Satan and don't push
Get thee behind me Satan and don’t push

With the negative reviews on some of Glutino’s products, I thought it’s only fair to drop in a word for my absolute favourite product:

Rosemary and Olive Oil Snack Crackers.

OMG. They are too salty and too delicious. They remind me of Wheat Thins before I got my diagnosis.

Hang on…

Dear Celiacs and others who’ve spent years avoiding all gluten: they taste like WHEAT THINS!!!!

Dear People Mucking About with Gluten Free When They Feel Like It or Mistakenly Believe GF Means ‘Healthy': they’re salty, savoury and crunchy. They’re thick for a crunchy thing and will hold up to whatever you put on them but seriously, I don’t think you’ll put anything on them. They come pre-dressed. They don’t taste like Wheat Thins, though. -that’s only for us losers who don’t have a choice and don’t recall what things taste like — I have to defer to other peoples’ opinions when I say, ‘see! It’s like X!’ and they say, ‘erm, no it’s not.’

It’s 4 servings to a box, if you read the box. I’m lucky if I can make it two. It’s one of those things that I cannot stop eating til my hand is reaching for more, yet none can be found. Thank you, Glutino for the FREAKING AWESOME JUNK FOOD. -rosemary olive oil crisps, you can stuff the toaster pastries. See what I did there? Stuff? Toaster pastry stuffed with fruit filling?

* I call these crisps out of habit. They’re more like a thick crisp-ish thing.

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3 thoughts on “review, Glutino Toaster Pastry & Glutino Rosemary Olive Oil

    1. Seriously, I know NONE of her music but from how she riles people, she must be doing something right. I just hope she’s smart and does a Jedi trick with it and doesn’t get ‘tricked out.’

      1. Ditto! :-) She seems to be savvy when it comes to garnering attention = $$
        Wish I had a smidgen of talent and a sexy body. I do like rosemary olive oil though :-)

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